What I'm talking about

Do you think the name of my blog is interesting? I do. I pinched it from a Gary Larson cartoon. Not that I have a small head or anything. I just so often have so many things going on in my mind that it feels chokka-blok sometimes. You know? And often, I feel like I have to excuse myself, to allow things to rearrange, sink in, diffuse, expunge, straighten out, or just fade back.

I've posted about life and love, religion and passion, family and work. Does any of this reflect forwards the real me however? I have a belief that I am very hard to know. I cannot be expected to act (or react) in a certain way. And yet, my life's journey seems steady, forward, conditioned, predictable. My life's events seem known (on an observers reflection).

I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Forgive (or excuse) my seemed inflated ego when I say that I have always thought that I'm here for a reason. Here that is, on this earth. Existing. Do I have to 'find' my life's purpose or will it find me? I don't want to contradict myself though - since I've expressed an opinion that the meaning to all our lives is in the journey itself. This yields much less satisfaction however than if I'm here to achieve a specific thing.

I've posted about 'what's next'. These are things about the here and now, the things that are hands on, touchable, tangible, (even legible), non-abstract activities and actions that have some connection to an end game. I've reflected on these things. What is it that they have in common? What am I really trying to achieve? They are all in my control, they all take effort, and they all yield longer than short-term results. They all require a certain state of mind. And a change to the now to effect the tomorrow.

I have a very analytical mind. I'm certainly not being modest in this regard. I've been able to (and have pften had to) temper this with time and empathy to be effective. I can sum up a complex problem (and on my own) sooner than others and offer solutions that only reveal themselves as correct with the passing of time. So what? It means that I cannot adequately explain using these words, this keyboard, and the brevity of these few minutes what I feel compelled to explain.

I can see the brim of the light ahead. It is bright and white. I think I know now where to look to find my answers. I have hope and I trust.

I may take a break for a few days, to read, to think and to de-clutter my overflowing mind.