I shed a tear for you

I never used to consider myself an "emotional" person. I was always the one who appeared uncaring, aloof perhaps. Certainly as a teenager. Not now. I can't hide it as easily as I used to. Call it maturity. Call it development of empathy. Whatever. There are things that I taught myself to suppress that I don't want to anymore.

My father was the same. Although he is still the same. Not that that's a bad thing. That's just the way it is. I find myself becoming more like him more and more, in some ways, and less like him in others. Mannerisms, tone of speech, expression of frustration and joy - all the same. Emotional growth, change, thinking style - all different. I think.

Anyway, there is a more specific purpose for todays post. Tears came to my eyes today.

A number of years ago, my sister lost her husband. That fucking disease. He fought hard and died with dignity. I met him under fairly unique circumstances. It was my wedding day. He and my sister had been going out for a little while and she brought him to the wedding. "Hi, you must be M. I'm C".

When he was sick, I had not thought too much about it. I knew how I was supposed to feel. I behaved in the way I was supposed to behave. We travelled to where they lived, to see him, as we thought his days might be numbered. This time will be remembered by all the family as a special time. The time we were all together. And although it wasn't spoken, we all knew that this was our goodbye. The news of him passing came soon after. And I cried more than I expected I would. I miss him. I miss how my sister was when he was her husband. And I still shed a tear for you C when I think about you. And your life cut far far too short.

I hope they have broadband in heaven. Cheers mate.