The Midori Pass-Out night

Following on from the recent "my first-beer-first-drink-first-drunk" theme, here's the story about the night I met my wife. I'm sure I'll tell it very differently when it's the "how-I-met-your-mother" story. First, I'll set the scene.

I'm 18 and have finished my first year of university. There are four typical aussie blokes, who are all getting geared up for a big night on the drink. It is after all, new year's eve! We've all assembled at my place, a flat I share with one of the notorious four. OK, let's get the evening underway, get your drinks ready, it's time to Pass Out!

OK, now here is where the funny bit starts. I don't mean actually to pass out, but we are playing a board game called Pass Out. A Christmas gift from my flatmate, it's basically a game to facilitate getting totally rotten. A bit like Monopoly, except instead of trading real estate, you sink piss. Instead of passing Go and collecting $200, you have to say a tongue-twister. This is where the Midori comes in. To this day, I don't know why I chose to drink Midori, but I don't think I've touched it since. The bottle was empty by the time I had about three pink elephants (one tongue twister = one pink elephant). We never actually finished the game that night, and didn't finish any other time we tried. I guess that's the point. There's no way anyone can drink enough to play long enough to collect ten pink elephants thus the purpose of the game is met. No-one actually passed out, but the normally 10 minute walk to the pub of choice was a 25 minute stagger. Or stumble.

So it's still a little while before midnight. We got to the pub on time. Switch to beer now. Wait, there's bourbon, let's have some of that first. Great.

OK, let's pause the story for a moment to recap on the situation and set the scene for what follows. I'm totally nutted, and so are my mates. It's getting close to midnight and we're in a crowd of similarly-tanked revellers. All I'm thinking of at this point is the drink in my hand and making sure I know where the nearest bathroom is. And singing stupid Chisel songs at the top of my lungs. And standing on the table singing stupid Chisel songs at the top of my lungs. I digress, back to the story...

One of my mates, has found a group of girls for us to talk to. Maybe he didn't look as stupidly drunk as the rest of us. I saunter over, trying to look cool. Turns out my mate met a couple of these girls on a cruise ship after finishing school the year before. He introduced us. My flatmate was far too pissed to care less.

"Hmmm, you look nice" I think to myself. I go over to the pretty brunette sitting on the wall. She's shy. I start talking a little. Or rather, the drink starts talking. I don't know what I'm saying. She is still shy. We talk some more. I'm too drunk-confident to pick up the "leave-me-alone-you-drunk-idiot" signals she's sending. I put my arm around her. She's very polite. I'm thinking, "hmmm, I think she likes me!"

Midnight! I kiss my lovely stranger. "Can I have your phone number? I'll call you. We can go out." She blurts it out. Sweet! A bit more drunk-cuddling and kissing and we all bid farewell. The night is over.

Now before I describe what happens next, here's what I later learned to be my dear-wife's version of events....

Who's this drunk fool coming over here? I don't want to talk to you, go away! Why aren't my friends helping me? Help! What the heck is he talking about? Just be polite, and he might so away. Midnight! OK, just one kiss, make it quick! My phone number? Fine, he's too drunk to remember it anyway, at least it will get rid of him! Leave me alone!

OK, now back to my story. The next morning, I have somehow remembered her phone number. I decide to call. No time like the present! Her father answers the phone. "No, she's not home yet, try again this afternoon." OK. I call back later.

me - "Hi it's M from last night" (hey hey hey baby!)

her - "um hi" (oh my God, I can't believe he remembered my number!)

blah blah blah

me - "Do you want to go and see a movie tonight" (she seems nice even now I'm sober!)

her - "Sure" (whatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo?bugger!)

We go to see Point Break. Nothing like a Keanu Reeves movie to impress the ladies! She talks the whole time because she's so nervous. And the rest is history.