Snagglepuss

I don't know what's causing me to be stressed.

When I am stressed, it's normally quite easy to pick what the cause is, what's weighing me down.

It could be that my boss is pissing me off. It could be that I've had an argument. It could be that all the little things that happen in the day that culminate in an internal scream. Not at the moment.

But then again, it doesn't feel the same either. Normally, when I'm stressed, I get cranky. Moody. Frustrated. Right now, I don't actually feel bad. In fact, I feel quite relaxed. I am calm and quite happy. It's more like I feel leaden, slow, I can't think of a third adjective.

I'll relate this perhaps to something you might be familiar with. You know how when you're in the zone - you are in flow - that things just zip along. And nothing bothers you? You forget everything else, time does not matter, you skip lunch, outside distractions no longer exist and you are at your very best? Well... the "funk" I'm in seems to be the opposite to that. I never feel in flow any more. Everything distracts me. The only reason that the day passes quickly is when I am up to my neck in the shit. Nothing really gets done, I'm treading water. Yeah, that sums it up. I'm treading water. Standing still. Marking time. The big red pause button of my life is fully depressed.

"You white men are lost. You don't understand the land, too many silly questions. Your presence on this Earth will come to an end. You have no sense, no purpose, no direction."
- Where the Green Ants Dream

Where does one begin to find purpose?
What is sense?
What direction should I take, and how far should I take it?
Do I type destination: purpose into a SatNav and let it lead me there?
With a sweet yet lifeless recorded female voice: "In 3 minutes, turn left on MidLifeCrisis Avenue. Continue for years and years and years."

Perhaps I need to find God.
A God. Any God.
A good God.
One that will still let me drink, fuck and swear. In that and not-necessarily-that order. But will forgive me these Sins, yet show me the light. Enable enlightenment. Transcendence.
One that gives good Karma.
Oh, and one who'll let me eat baby cows. Lightly crumbed and fried. (I love my Christmas eve dinner). And who'll buy me a Mercedes-Benz.

This was supposed to be a serious post about my Funk. Now it's just turned silly. I'm making fun of myself. That's how much of a Funk I'm in. I can't stay on task writing about not being able stay on task.

The SatNav is talking to me right now. Except it's the voice of Snagglepuss. "Exit, stage left!"

Heavens to Murgatroyd!