What's really going on?

I read a lot of blogs. Well, a few. Those that seem to hold my interest and I participate in are those written by people who appear to be in a similar life stage to myself. Not in terms of their projected, apparent, tangible life stage. Rather the internal, real, felt life stage. And that is one of transition. I flit around the issue. I comment on those that others share with us. It's real and it's happening, but is the answer out there?

There's a tension somewhere.

It's kind of been happening for a while. I feel myself changing. On the inside.
I feel more. I care more. I accept more.

And yet I am possibly more dissatisfied with some things, while being very satisfied with where I am. Isn't this the hallmark of transition? When there is satisfaction with where you are, the need for more begins? I get the sense that it's bigger than that, less simple.

I'm sure I'm not going to be able to put my finger on it by rambling my thoughts across the page like this. And even reading more, reflecting more, thinking more, talking more; won't do it justice either. But the place to start is simply to start, and start at the beginning. But I'm not at the beginning, and here's how I know why. I just read this. This is exactly me right now.

Individuation is a process that leads to a more mature, balanced, 'rounded' person. In Myers Briggs terms, this may mean developing the aspects of personality that are opposite to one's preferences. For example, an INTJ, who has pursued an interest in a scientific career, may start to develop interest in ESFP-type activities. This might involve:

• enjoying relationships for their own sake, rather than in joint pursuit of some scientific objective
• taking up sporting pursuits simply to enjoy them, without feeling the need to develop ever greater skill and competence
• spending more time with the family and enjoying life with the children or grandchildren.
• developing a much greater appreciation for people, despite their lack of competence or intellectual ability.

And I mean this is exactly exactly me. I'm characteristically INTJ. I am enjoying relationships more for their own sake (like family, colleagues, even all of you readers!), taking up sporting pursuits simply to enjoy them (cycling), spending more time with family, and developing an appreciation for people despite their lack of intellectual ability. (That last one particularly!)

Where will it end? What does it mean for my career? Who knows. Does it matter though?

For now, I think I'll just run with it. Go with the flow. See where it takes me. Let go and enjoy the ride. I'll ride the rapids but keep my hand on the rudder.