Letter to self (or would you care to dance Grandmother?)

M, how's things?

So, have you worked it out yet. Me neither. What will it take? I wonder. If it ever will. You've known of it's existence for some time. The view is cloudy. The sound muffled. Numb fingers, to touch it. Retreat is the normal option, I understand. And it's OK. We all pleasure in being victims to it's taunts. Not many have the courage. Plenty to lose and risk even in the gain, sour rye grasses. Press the shiny red button Ren!

I know what you're thinking. Can't I have my cake and eat it too? You know the answer to that question already, and it's not yes or no. It's a description of grey. Design your reality, live as though it exists now. Start with one disappointment at a time. But don't be too hard on yourself.

Discard all that is artificial. Embrace quality. Welcome life's varied textures. Persue past positives. Seek the truth, ne'er stop. Reject falsehoods. Trust your instincts, always. Live it, love it, laugh with it. Be it. And don't feel that you have to explain who you are, especially to yourself.

Welcome to my world tonight

Sittin' back. Hmmm. Plug these babies into the Zen and pull me up sumthin' Arie.... I’m having a private party. Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar..... There's hope. It doesn't cost a thing to smile, you don't have to pay to laugh, you better thank God for that......

It's all good. This is my world, tonight. You're very welcome to join me. Pull up a cushion, cozy.

p.s. I am not my hair.

Shark Park

I took my daughter to her first game of football last night. Sharks v Tigers at Shark Park.
She was very excited. We arrived just before half-time of the premier league game.

When does the real game start Dad?
5:30.
What time is it now Dad?
4:30.
That means we have to wait for one hour!
Yes.
Can I have some jelly-beans Dad?
Sure.

5 minutes later....

What time is it now Dad?
4:35.
I'm getting very sick of waiting!
Yes. Just watch the football dear.

Finally the game ends.

Is it about to start Dad?
Yes, in about 15 minutes.
Will they put up pictures of all the players like on tv?
Maybe. Look, there are some little kids coming out to play first.
Where are the Sharks Dad?
Still inside getting ready. Do you want some more jelly-beans?

A bit later...

Look K, there are the cheerleaders. They're called the mermaids.
Yes, I KNOOW Dad! I'm still waiting Dad, when are they going to start?
Not soon enough dear.

Hooray! Kick off!

Sharks try... :-( K is cheering.
Dad. The sharks are winning and your team is not! We have 6 points and you have no points! (Insert a little in-the-seat dance here, and a big grin)
Yes dear. It's early yet.

A bit later...

Dad. My team is 18 and your team is 4. That's 14 points Dad. Your team needs 14 more points Dad. Maybe they need to do some more exercise Dad.
Yes dear.

Second half.

Tigers try.
K's smile is a little flatter
Tigers try.
K's smile is gone. She is worried. Panicing almost.
Tigers try.
Uh-oh. Almost tears here.
Tigers try.
I was just kidding Dad. I was ACTUALLY going for the tigers! And I was just kidding when I said to Mum that I was going for the sharks. Big grin.
Sharks try.
Uh-oh. Grin flatter again.
Sharks try.
Uh-oh. Scores are level.
Don't worry K. The scores are the same. We both have 28.
YOU BLOODY BEAUTY ROBBIE FARAH! 29-28.
(Insert image of M standing, punching the air, yelling at top of lungs, Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! while all around are seated, quiet as little little tiny mice, thinking sit down you bloody bloody bloody tigers fan)

Great night.

Did you have fun tonight at the football K?
Yep!

Go with the flow baby

Following on from my previous two posts, I had a great conversation with a colleague today about happiness and flow experience. This colleague has recently graduated from university with a psychology degree, so it was refreshing to discuss matters like this with someone who actually knows and understands what I'm talking about. It was also refreshing to realise that I wasn't talking bullshit, and we could properly converse in the topics which are of interest to me. Despite acknowledging that I'm untrained in the field, I still like to be able to think that I can pick up on concepts quickly.

Anyhow, when we were discussing flow experience, I got to thinking about how this applies to me and wanted to examine this in more detail. As is usually the case, I refer to wikipedia as a first step. Here, flow is described as a mental state of operation where the person is fully engaged in what they are doing. The components of flow are as follows;

1. Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities).
2. Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
4. Distorted sense of time - one's subjective experience of time is altered.
5. Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6. Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
9. When in the flow state, people become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging (Csikszentmihalyi, 1975. p.72).

Reading through the list, I am reminded how often when I'm having a busy work day - time absolutely flies. Not tooooo often, but certainly one really strong occurrence every fortnight or so. So is this when I'm happiest? Yes!

So does this mean, for the purposes of application, if I were to design work systems for my teams should I be aiming to enable employees to experience flow? How might I do that exactly. I am in the process of re-organising the nature of work in my teams right now. Perhaps I should take these flow components into account when considering people for specific roles. To do that however I would need to know what every one's signature strengths are. The nature of my workplace dictates that I cannot simply get everyone to take the test. Perhaps some, but not many. I'll have to take a punt and guess the rest.

What do you think? Any flow-meisters out there care to comment?

I think I'd better do some more reading. Time is of the essence. Csikszentmihalyi - Bring it!

The questionnaire

On my last post.... find the questionnaire here

In fact, there are heaps of questionnaires, the one I got that question from was from VIA signature strengths.

I found this site after reading an article in Saturday's Sydney Morning Herald - Good Weekend section. An article in there called Happiness 101. It's about positive psychology.

Anyway, apparently there are 24 measureable character strengths and the VIA signature strength inventory tells you what your top five are. So mine are....

1. Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
2. Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
3. Perspective (wisdom)
4. Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
5. Forgiveness and mercy

Sounds about right. But so what? They say that we should be actively working or playing in new areas that draw on our signature strengths, to create a sense of wellbeing. This will play a role in building confidence and thus bring happiness.

There were other bits in the article too. I was pleased to read about it actually, since I posted happiness hypothesis a little while ago and referred to Seligman (and Maslow) and how their theories I thought related to happiness. I felt somewhat that this article supported my views about what makes us happy - and the fact I had not heard specifically about positive psychology before gives me some sense of satisfaction.

Anyway, if you're interested, it's free to register and do the tests.

Later.

How do you answer this?

I read this in an on-line questionnaire.

"I am proud that I am an ordinary person"

- Very Much Like Me
- Like Me
- Neutral
- Unlike Me
- Very Much Unlike Me

I didn't know how to answer.....
How would you?

It presupposes that you think that you are an ordinary person. Perhaps that means that I think that this is "Very Much Unlike Me". Now I think that makes me a snob.

Creative Zen Vision:M 30GB

A new toy.... For some reason, it was $90 less than the black one. Only $291. I wanted white anyhow. I'll need to get some decent headphones next week. Any suggestions???

I'm listening to Smashing Pumpkins as I type this. It's growing on me. Not as good as Adore, but pretty good still. Some songs (like Bring The Light) just don't seem to go anywhere. But many others are more like what I'd expect from them. I'm liking Doomsday Clock, Tarantula and United States (almost 10 minutes long but!). But Neverlost is the best track - it sounds very Adore-like.

Rollercoaster baby!

You know how people describe their moods or their life in general as going along, up and down like a roller coaster? Well, the thing is that when you're on a roller coaster, you KNOW that you're going to go up and down. You look ahead, see the drop and then you drop. You see the twist and then you twist. You see the loop and then you do the fucking loop. Life ain't like that people! You often don't see it coming!

What the! Where did that come from?!

The next time I ride an actual roller coaster, I'm soooo going to close my eyes. See if it's any better if you don't know what's coming.

Speaking of rollercoasters, I loved this one at Cedar Point.....

I was there in 2005. Two hours in the line for one ride. And yes, then another three hours in the line again to get a ride in the front seat. Nothing quiiite like this in Australia. I bought a coffee mug as a momento.

$$$$$

money money money money money money money money money money
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money money money money money money money money money money

I love tax time

What's your flava?

I've posted before (on my old blog) about my favourite things. This is not one of those posts again. But while chomping down on a couple of steaks tonight, thinking about how I love steak, I also was thinking about what a good day I've had. Just work stuff, got some good feedback from the boss's boss. And then I got to thinking that all the kids were well behaved and that's good. And Mrs M and I are getting along great at the moment. So, what to post about? You've heard all this diatribe before. But have you answered this question before....

What's your favourite?

"My favourite what?"

That's just it. What's your favourite anything!?
I mean is it chocolate icecream, or the number 9, or blue, or winter mornings, or roses, or being surprised, or knock-knock-who's-there, or finishing your last exam, or winning a race, or your first kiss, or surfing, or Harry-Potter, or George Gregan's tackle on Jeff Wilson, or the winner-is-Sydney, or long Sunday drives, or Gone with the Wind, or your Mum, or what?

I don't even know myself, but I'll have a think about it and let you know.

I'd love to know what your favourite is. Please tell! Pleeeease!

The sometimes jungle

It's lonely at the top
they stare like smug children
gangs of thugs, banded
the wet paper mafia

I can't explain
if you can't understand
idiot, beat me down?
we all, all laugh behind your back

Degrees of insincerity
empathy feigned, believed
even. Trust is fickle
take what you can get

We want the same thing
just don't grand-master me
I'll chunk it up higher, winner!
It's lonely at the top

My spirit got lost

My spirit got lost now something is missing
All the people round here are too bony for kissing

I'm sick of dour faces
Staring at me from the TV
Tower, I want roses in my
garden bower; dig?

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Birth, School, Work, Death
Birth, School, Work, Death

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half way out the door

My spirit got lost now something is missing
All the people round here are too bony for kissing

General chit chat

No particular topic for today. Just some general chit chat. I've been away for a few days, thus the lack of posts. A few days away for work, plus some time visiting family as well. My brother and I went out for a night on the tins. I haven't had so much to drink in one night for about ten years! But when Stella Artois in on tap for $3.50 a schooner, how can you resist? Plus spending eight hours in the pub, watching the footy and listening to the DJ playing gems like 500 miles and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, you've kinda got to expect there'll be a few too many go down. But I feel pretty good today, no hangover, just a little tired.

It's good to get away for a few days. But I missed pizza night with the kids and "daddy didn't come home last night". But I'll get some good hugs when I get home tomorrow. Apparently, my 3 year old is expecting me to bring home some batterys for her torch - since they are flat. "Daddy will bring some from the aeroport. I want to go to the aeroport". I'm not sure where she gets these ideas.

I don't mind travelling for work. I certainly don't seek it out, I just do it when I have to. Fortunately this time it's in Brisbane where some friends and family are. I certainly like coming home again. You might be surprised but I expect that the kids will all look a little different, and will be saying and doing things all a little different. It will only be 4 days, but there will be subtle changes. Last time I was away from the kids for a week, my eldest son looked about 6 months older. It was weird.

The funniest thing happened in the pub last night. Wanting a "break" from the Stella, I thought I'd have a lemon squash to cleanse the thirst. So I go to the bar.
Me: One schooner of Stella and a lemon squash thanks
Barman: A what?
Me: Lemon squash
Barman goes to pour the beer. Comes back.
Barman: What was the second thing?
Me: A lemon squash
Barman: What's a lemon squash?
Me: (Thinking) What the fuck is a lemon squash?!
Barman: It is water with lemon juice?
Me: No. No. It's.... lemon squash! Lemon squash. Lift? Aaagh fuck, just gimme a Sprite!

Roooaaaar!

54-10

:-)

AAAARHRGRHGRR!

Aaaaaarrghghhhhghhgrrhhghrhh!

Flugishikalrrrrrakakakamannaaa!

Cukkacaaannaaaklrrrraaaaffaaaa!

Grrrraaarrrrfffuuuuccccckkkkkk!

Sasafrakinfrakinsasifrakinfrakin!

Krapakrapakrreeaaaghhghghggh!

I'm fucking cranky!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKIT!

genii

I've posted about my musical preferences before. Here are some examples. The best of the best.

Underworld

Jimi Hendrix

John Legend

Jim Morrison

The Cure

QED

The way it is

Sorry son, for being sad for you when actually I am sad for me.
I want things to be different. I want you to be you, but not.
I want me to be the me I always dreamed but realised I will not.
It's not your fault. I love you. Always.

Kaaa-ching!

I had given up hope. But now it appears that my blog is worth something. According to technorati that is. See the thingy over there.... ----->

Psychic Powers

I must have psychic powers. Four days ago, I was flipping through my CD collection to refresh the pack I keep in the car. Adore - Smashing Pumpkins. Yeah, an old favourite. Enjoying it over the past few days, I decided I'd come and post about it. In doing my normal wiki research on the album, I find instead that the Pumpkins have just released a brand new album - Zeitgeist. Sweet. The reviews I've read have been mixed. I'll let you know after I get hold of a copy and lay back one night with the Sennheisers on. Ciou.

I shed a tear for you

I never used to consider myself an "emotional" person. I was always the one who appeared uncaring, aloof perhaps. Certainly as a teenager. Not now. I can't hide it as easily as I used to. Call it maturity. Call it development of empathy. Whatever. There are things that I taught myself to suppress that I don't want to anymore.

My father was the same. Although he is still the same. Not that that's a bad thing. That's just the way it is. I find myself becoming more like him more and more, in some ways, and less like him in others. Mannerisms, tone of speech, expression of frustration and joy - all the same. Emotional growth, change, thinking style - all different. I think.

Anyway, there is a more specific purpose for todays post. Tears came to my eyes today.

A number of years ago, my sister lost her husband. That fucking disease. He fought hard and died with dignity. I met him under fairly unique circumstances. It was my wedding day. He and my sister had been going out for a little while and she brought him to the wedding. "Hi, you must be M. I'm C".

When he was sick, I had not thought too much about it. I knew how I was supposed to feel. I behaved in the way I was supposed to behave. We travelled to where they lived, to see him, as we thought his days might be numbered. This time will be remembered by all the family as a special time. The time we were all together. And although it wasn't spoken, we all knew that this was our goodbye. The news of him passing came soon after. And I cried more than I expected I would. I miss him. I miss how my sister was when he was her husband. And I still shed a tear for you C when I think about you. And your life cut far far too short.

I hope they have broadband in heaven. Cheers mate.