Witness Protection

I have not been compromised.

I read about people regretting not keeping their anonymity. I want to preserve mine. I want to post more grit and less fluff. Being more anonymous allows that.

This blog is not being killed, just retired. Put out to pasture.

mbrain is being reincarnated. But I'd still like those I trust to come and visit. To find out where (and who) he is now, email me and chances are I'll send you directions to my new joint.

Ciou peeps!

Feelin' Groovy

Holiday : "Leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure"

Leisure time ? Yes!
Away from work ? Yes!
Rest or pleasure ? Yes and yes!

I guess I had a holiday! Away from work, like about a thousand kilometres! Leisure time was like lazing about the pool, or taking a ride on an attraction that "may result in unanticipated thrills" and have "unexpected movements". Rest would be like spending a day doing NOTHING or watching the cricket with my brother. Or doing a jigsaw puzzle. And as for pleasure... well, it was our wedding anniversary while we were away. :-P

And the two-ish weeks on holidays felt like longer than two-ish weeks at work. A good time was had by all. The weather held up (and no-one got sunburnt) and I spent less money than I thought I would. It's all good. Dreamworld is the same as it was two years ago, except for the new Mick Doohan ride. That wasn't too bad - and the older kids could ride too so we did that quite a bit. We even got up to the Sunshine Coast a couple of times. If you find yourself at Eumundi markets, I can highly recommend the German sausage with sauerkraut for lunch.

The worst thing about the holiday? I lost the golf tee off my thong! (see last post) Bah!

All in all, I'm feelin' groovy......

Better than Fonzie

This will be my last post for a few weeks. Regular readers will realise that I'm choofing off on holidays, and I'm soooo looking forward to it. And to put you all in the holiday mood like me, here's a picture of my groovy new thongs I got today. Screw your Havianas! These are a billion times cooler. Like Fonzie cool. Perhaps even cooler! I reckon they're way freakin' awesome! So if you're on the Gold Coast in the next two weeks and you see a dude strollin' around in a pair of these babies lookin' mighty relaxed - it's probably me! Ciou peeps!

My mugs

Souveniers are the nicknacks that we pick up on holidays to remind us of how much of a great time we had.

The best souvenier I have is a coffee mug I use at work. I picked it up at Dreamworld a couple of years ago. Reminds me of the great family holiday we had. What sticks in my mind is how relaxed I was, how it was just a time where we all just enjoyed being together, doing things or doing nothing. The kids watching Spongebob or me and Mrs watching American Chopper on pay TV. Going to the pool late at night in the rain. BBQ's every second day. My coffee mug reminds me of this almost daily. This is why I go to work and this is what I have to look forward to when I get home from work each day. Even if just a little bit.

Do you have any souveniers like this?

I'm planning to get a brand new mug next week. Maybe Australia Zoo will have one that takes my fancy. Does anyone know if there's a Ren and Stimpy marathon on Nickelodeon next week? Fingers crossed.

Internet poll

Here's a poll for all readers. Regular, non-regular or one-timers alike.......

Am I, mbrain, a "fucking spineless prick?"

Vote now!

Smile

I'm happy.
My car broke down, I have heaps of bills to pay and I can't get the right part for my espresso machine.
But I'm still happy. That's because next week I'm on holidays!

Queensland! Beaches, Fun Parks, Family, BBQ's, lazy every-days, Australia Day party

Woooot! 6 more sleeps!

I worry about things that I don't even realise. Right now, I think I'm worried about something, but I don't know what it is. Freak me! I just spent the Christmas week having a great time, feeling great, feeling calm and relaxed. Two days back at work and I can feel something building up again. My boss is on holidays, half my team are as well and nothing is going wrong. So why do I feel like shit? Is it all in anticipation? Freak freak fre-ak!

You know, I started this blog as an experiment. Could I find an "outlet" to vent, speak my mind(s) and otherwise diffuse anxiety? There is evidence that would indicate that it works. Whenever I'm feeling good, I don't have much to say. Or at least, I don't feel compelled to come and write something. No matter how meaningless the dribble is. The times that I'm feeling good are generally when I don't post as much. I think. I don't know if it's as effective as it could be however. I don't feel that it's as private as I once felt it was. Not that anyone I know reads it. My friend Sitemaster tells me so. I dunno, it's just what it feels like. Maybe I have even more to say now, like I've gone through a certain level in what I feel safe saying and now that I want to say even more, the risks are higher. And despite all that, keeping a 100% private journal will not work for me. In the past, I've done this and on reading it back it doesn't even make sense to me. So I know that keeping my blog public forces me to construct my words in a somewhat grounded way. Not that I can claim to think that everyone (aka anyone) can understand everything that I write (far from it in fact!) however there are semblances of normalcy that would not exist if I wrote just to and for myself. So to all the anonymous readers out there, thank you for unknowingly keeping my words meaningful.

So to wrap up, there is no wrap up. This blog journey of mine continues, and this post is poorly constructed. There is no beginning, middle and end. There is no purpose, no sub-plot, no twist. It is what it is and it is not what it is not. As so many before me have done the same - I will not read this post over before I hit "publish post". Except I will do the spellczech. ;-) Who knew that fre-ak isn't a word?

One man's blank is another man's blunk

I sometimes wonder if I see
feel
smell
hear
taste
everything the same as everyone else. Is every experience unique to me? Do we all experience everything different or exactly the same. Our frame of reference is always the same, limited to that of our own - so how can we ever know? Like the old adage, if a tree falls in the woods and no-one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If we were all there to hear it, would we hear the same sound? If I could "plug in" to your brain for a moment, would I see a red sky or would black be white? Would every song be an octave higher? Would water taste like wine?

Everything is relative, there are no absolutes.
There are no certainties, only probabilities.
Truths are fictions that serve the purpose of common beliefs.
There is no true free will, there are invisible boundaries (aka attractors).

It's a distortion. Henry, Look at me! Look! You can't see me or anyone as they are! I wanted Dostoyevsky!

Would people watch The MBrain Show?

I wonder if my life is as boring from the outside as it is from the inside. My day.....

"Sleep in" until almost 9:00. Breakfast is Cornflakes and coffee. I attempt to make a good micro froth and get some better results. I get a better swirl than normal and am somewhat impressed. I'll still be searching for a different wand/tip to get the speed up. Mrs has already made coffee but had a problem with her milk, so I make her another. It is of course, better.

All the kids are awake and have already eaten breakfast. Two of the kids in fact have already eaten two breakfasts each. Must have worked up an appetite the night before - they were all up until 9:30 after all.

Sit and chat with Mrs about what is planned for the day. We decide not to go to Homebush to the aquatic centre until the weekend, so instead Mrs plans a day at the movies with the girls and their cousins. This won't be until 2:30. Mrs asks if I plan on a bike ride (I went for a quick ride yesterday for 40 mins). I thought I would, but a longer one. After all, I need to get 4hrs exercise per week to pass my January resolution, so a long ride will help.

So, I strap on my Zen, my backpack with water reservoir, and leave at about 10:30. I plan to ride around the lake, about 45-50km. I set off and the wind is a little gusty. I figure I'll be into the teeth of it at the start and the end of the ride, but the middle section will be good.

As I'm riding, I'm just thinking about other stuff. Random stuff. Keep drinking, you don't want to get dehydrated. Good thing you put on sunscreen, the sun is strong. I mentally break up the ride into four sections. Home to Warrawong, Warrawong to Kembla Grange, Kembla Grange to Albion Park Rail, Albion Park Rail to home.

One hour fifty minutes later, I'm home. First time I've done this ride without a break. Not bad on a mountain bike for an amateur 34yr old. Well, I think so.

Have lunch (sandwiches and fruit) and read a few blogs. Mrs takes girls to the movies and I bum out in front of the TV. Remember that I need to pay the remainder for our holiday (only two weeks to go) so I call up the resort with Visa in hand. Done.

Mrs gets home and we all head out for dinner with the in laws. Eat out on their deck while kids watch Flushed Away inside.

Home again by 7:30, kids in bed (despite protests from #3, surprise surprise) and bum out in front of TV again. Mrs in bed by 9:00. I watch downloaded episode of October Road. It's not great, I might watch some more. Decide to go and check blogs. Not much happening out there. I guess everyone has more interesting things to do than I do. It's 10:50pm now. Back to work tomorrow, time for bed.

G'night peeps.

P.S. my knee is sore from the ride. Poor me.

Year New Happy

HurraH! HurraH! HurraH!

You mean that's it?

NYE 2007 Party

So tonight I'm gonna parrrrty like it's

Two

Thousaaand

and Seven

New Year, Old Year, What Year

Join me.
Don't set a New Year's resolution in 2008.
Set twelve new month resolutions instead.
Make them each something to start doing rather than something to stop doing.
Don't decide them all now. Just decide January now. Decide February in a months time.
I think it will be better this way. For all of us.

You know you'll fail otherwise. Hardly anyone actually achieves their New Years resolutions do they? What's so special about the "New Year" anyhow? It's really just a number. And an arbitrary and relative one at that.

Maybe not make a resolution at all - at least not based on a date. I did that back in September. Remember this post I made? I'll update you......

1. Do something selfless every day. Well, this got off to a great start. Even today, I often find myself doing something that I wouldn't otherwise - for someone else. But here's the thing. It's usually for my wife or kids, and it always ends up in me feeling better. So is it selfless? Who cares! On a scale of 1-10, I'll rank myself an even 5. Not a bad start, but some room for improvement. More on the every day bit.
2. Get strong again. Again, a good start. New program, got going for a few weeks. Then stopped. Why? I don't know. I have to reassess. 1 out of 10.
3. Eat vegetables every day. Not every day, and not much variety. I am thinking a lot more like "I'll add some veges to that" but certainly not every meal. 3 out of 10.
4. Trust your intuition. This is going a little bit better. Making decisions that go against the flow, but safely. No hitting of rocks beneath the surface yet. 6 out of 10.
5. Choose yes. Aaaahhh yes. This is a good one. I've definitely been saying yes more often. But you know what? I've also been saying no a lot more too. The driving force for saying yes more often is knowing when to say it, therefore when you know you shouldn't the answer is no. Keep on keeping on. Just do it. 7 out of 10.

So overall, I score myself 22 out of 50. Bah! Only 44% Not even a pass conceded!

I'd better work on the workouts and veges a bit more. Choose yes Mbrain, choose yes!

OK, so my New-Month resolution for January is (drum roll ........... )

Exercise for four hours every week for the next 5 weeks. Cycle, resistance, run, whatever. And since tomorrow is Monday, I'll start a day early!

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days

So here's my coffee day. Turns out that due to lack of numbers, the day was switched to Friday.

I decided to catch the train into the city. Now I never catch the train - not since I was a poor student but I wanted to avoid the hassle of parking in the CBD so I drove to Sutherland and got an all stations to Town Hall. Commuter trains are very depressing. Everyone is sad. No-one is smiling. You smile at someone as they walk past to find a seat and they look at you like you're a freak. Everyone buries their head in a book, or stares blankly out the window. Everywhere but at the people around them. Except for some Argentinian tourists. They seemed like ordinary people. Turns out, they got on the right line but were going in the wrong direction. And they didn't care, they were just laughing and got off at the next stop to catch the other train back.

The barista class was in the Dymocks building, so this was easy to find too. I walked in and the first thing the instructor did was offer me a coffee. Sure. And it was awesome. Great I think, I'm going to be able to make coffee like this!

There was only 3 in the class - but that's good. More attention, less waiting. One was another guy who was also given the class as a gift. The other was a young girl who'd just finished her HSC and was going to live in the UK, and was after some skills to find work. Pretty good idea.

We were introduced to the history of coffee, how (and when, by who and where) it is grown, picked, washed, dried, sorted, roasted, ground, etc, etc, etc. Then, it was on to the frothing. This is the bit that I was looking forward to the most. If I could make perfect milk froth at home, then I would be a coffee legend and all those who come before me would kneel and thank their maker that they could be so blessed as to be in my presence. Um... er.... perhaps they'd just say "Hey, great coffee Mbrain!" That'd do fine.

So it turns out that I'm f*&#ing great at frothing milk. After just a few attempts, I had perfect (yes perfect) micro froth. I think the phrase used by the instructor was "Excellent milk Mbrain!" It's all about the swirl you see. Get the swirl going, introduce a little bit of air, move to the centre to create a vortex, then out again to keep it going to reach 60 degrees. That's it. Sounds simple, and I was a natural.

I'm the man.

Next, the espresso. Now, my home machine is super-auto, so all this was only partially relevant to my situation, however I could apply some of the concepts to adjust my machine to make the best coffee possible. Apparently Jura don't make the grind fine enough and therefore the pour is too quick. Apparently 25 seconds for a 30mL espresso is the "ideal". More on that later. The machines in the course are San Marino 2 group espresso machines, just like this 3 group one I saw on ebay last night.

So then we went through all the coffee styles. Espresso, cappuccino, caffe latte, macchiato, ristretto, long black, long white, doppio, caffe mocha, etc, etc. And made them all. Again, I was freaking awesome at it.

Wrapping things up, we learned about cleaning the machine and that was the day. Awesome. I learned some great skills, had a fun day and could now go home and make brilliant coffee at home. Wooot!

I'll spare you details of the train ride home. More of the same boring people doing nothing except stare at their shoes or pretend they're on the set of The Return of the Living Dead.

I get home. Fire up the machine. Ok, adjust grind, adjust water volume, yes, that looks about right. OK, milk into jug, setup milk thermometer. Right, go!

No swirl.

Shit.

What the fuck. Try again, different angle. Go.

No swirl.

Mother.

I wanted to smash things. The perfect day turns to shit. Well, that's a bit over the top. It was very very frustrating. To know that you can do this, and to get home and it not work was infuriating. And why was it not working? The steam wand on my machine is designed exclusively for coffee novices who can't be bothered to learn how to froth milk properly. There is no "normal" nozzle to do it properly. You see, the nozzle has a HUGE hole so the velocity of the steam is quite low - meaning no spin. No spin means no micro foam. So it's either warm non frothed milk, or a bubbly mess.

I found this after frantic googling last night. Someone with the same problem who solved it by fitting a different tip, from a different machine. Smaller holes, higher speed, better swirl. Now all I have to do is do the same thing. So that's my mission. Find a tip that will fit my steam wand that doesn't have holes the size of the grand canyon.

So all in all, a great day. Accentuated by frustration, tempered by a mission. Coffee magic on hold, but only temporarily. Watch this space peeps.

Barista

My wife booked me into a barista course for Christmas. It's this Thursday. What else can I say but .......

I'm very impressed. :-) The more I think about it, the more I'm looking forward to it. I think I'm going to be making a lot more coffee in the next few months. Likewise, I don't think I'm going to get any sleep in the next few months either. hehehe.

hehehe!

Sorry kids

Sorry kids. Santa just left my place and he's not in great shape. He might finish his work down under, but I doubt he'll go the distance. Too many Aussie Dads left beer out for him tonight. I gave him some Berocca, strapped him into his sleigh and slapped Rudolph on the arse to send him on his way.

Lists

It's the time of year for lists.

Finish gift shopping - tick
Finish grocery shopping - tick
Mow lawns - tick
Take garbage to the tip - tick
Assemble bike - tick
Weed garden
Sweep deck
Gerni paths
Buy veal and scotch fillet
Finish wrapping presents
Make sauerkraut
Prepare chilli tomato sauce
Prepare schnitzel
Brush pool table
Clean trampoline
Make cakes
Vacuum everything
Clean everything
Fix broken things
Get pissed!
EAT TOO MUCH!!
Take broken presents back to the shop on boxing day
Spend money from people who couldn't think of something to buy
Take back clothes to shop from people who don't know my size

etc

you get the drift

I still have a lot to do. I need to develop OCD. Is there a pill I can take? Or is there an OCD service I can call?

"OCD Rentals, can I help you?"
"Hello, yes, I'd like an OCD for the weekend please."
"How much are you willing to spend sir?"
"Well, I can provide lodging and meals."
"That is possible, but within that price range I can only offer Helga, a Swedish backpacker."
"That will be fine. Can you send her round right away? I have a long list you see."
"Yes sir. All we ask is that there are fresh sheets and a six-pack of beer waiting on arrival."
"Consider it done! Thanks!"

Now that would be a great Christmas.

Excuse my two posts

Please excuse my past two posts. They are cryptic, confusing and weird. To, I imagine, anyone but me. Unless you want to guess what they're about. You might guess right I suppose. Either way, it's just a little victory dance. Back to normal programming now. Ciou!

YES

Again, I got what I wanted.
I am the alpha, and the omega. You are useless.
Victory against the odds.
Brain over brawn.
Pen over sword.
Good over evil.
Truth, justice and the m.b.r.a.i.n way.
Figjam.
I do not arbitrate, I conciliate.
Lured into my rabbit warren, your fat belly is caught.
Resistance was futile.
The power is not to the people.
You fought the law and the law won.
Don't push me 'cause you're close to the edge. I didn't lose my head! U-huh-huh-huh-huh!
Watch out for the hit-man!
You my bitch.
Meet my friend, pain!

I am the champion, my friend. I kept on fighting to the end! No time for losers, 'cause I am the champion. Of the world!

Almost

So close I can taste it.
On the cusp.
Nearly there.
You know you want it too.
Yes, Marcellus Wallace does look like a bitch.
Giddyup.

Traditions

No, this is not a boring post about Christmas traditions. Been there, done that. This is a different, weird kind of tradition. I realised this week that I seem to be starting a little kind of tradition with the kids. Often now when they ask me to guess what they got from the shop, or what they want for a gift, or what they want for lunch, or what they had a dream about, or anything.... my answer is "a bunch of bananas?" And I always seem to elicit a laugh. Even from myself. Then, when they ask me for something, or question me about something, or anything similar.... my answer is "what did the frog say?" Again, a chuckle from said child. How did this begin? I think I was joking around about how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood and somehow I worked in the frog and the bananas bit. We are a strange family. Unique, just like everyone else. Anyway, beware fellow bloggers! If I'm reading your blog and you are "asking the internets" or posting about "guess what my secret is" don't be surprised if I respond with an answer involving a) frogs, b) bananas or c) both of the above. Don't say I didn't warn you!